I'm DC Drama Queen, Stressed’ best friend and I will be doing today's guest post! :-)
My tale of man-related woe dates all the way back to our first semester of college. Stressed and I lived in the international dorm at our university and, well, that lead to some intercultural miscommunication with our roommates. I was stuck in a triple with one (very angry) Philippine girl (henceforth VAPG) and a shy Korean girl who earned her nickname of "Stinky" by clinging to the belief that showering was optional.
VAPG was engaged to her high school boyfriend, who was in marine boot camp that semester. Their lack of communication (and sex) made her quite a challenge to live with, not to mention she was also one of those people who took the academic part of college uber-seriously and was constantly studying. Stinky, on the other hand, was a very sheltered, very socially awkward girl who pretty much never left our room.
So between the three of us it’s safe to say our lifestyles clashed......
That fall, during one of the brief periods where VAPG and I were not at each other’s throats, she had introduced me to a friend of hers from high school, who we shall call Mr. B-School. Given that said friend was incredibly cute, and I was recently single, this was most definitely a bad call on VAPG's part. Soon Mr. Business School and I were flirting and I began spending an inordinate amount of time at our diner's 'late-nite', where he baked terrible pre-fab pizzas (can you tell this kid was a winner?). It was all very cute and typical, except for the one little detail that Mr. B-School had neglected to mention: he had a girlfriend. who was also a friend of my roommate. (sidebar: I don't believe in monogamy, and wasn't really looking for anything serious, so an out-of-state girlfriend was not an issue for me.) VAPG became even angrier when she realized that I had developed a crush on Mr. B-School and promptly read me the riot act about the fact that he was attached.
Bo Mr. B-School and I took our flirtation into the shadows of late-nite at the diner (romantic, no?), AIM chats and hanging out when VAPG wasn't around. Stressed was my accomplice in this, forcing herself to eat far more junk food then any reasonable person should at 11pm most nights of the week. I think she actually like Mr. B-School, which should have been my first- ok maybe second- clue that this was going to be a disaster, as we never agree on men! After a few weeks, the flirting had progressed to making out and an intense, awesome hookup session in the attic lounge that was cruelly ended by the lack of a condom (random psa: practice safe sex y'all!).
The next weekend, VAPG was thankfully out of town and so Mr. B-School and I made plans to hang out at my place Saturday night. I don't remember where Stinky was, but she had made a rare foray into the outside world, so we decided to take full advantage of it and quickly ended up in my bed (which should be noted was the bottom of a bunk bed; Stinky had the top bed). However, since the universe hates me, Stinky reappeared just as we were getting naked. Besides the fact that she was shocked and horrified to find a naked man in her room, she recognized Mr. B-School as the guy the VAPG and I had been fighting about for weeks. We quickly redressed and vacated the room, but weren't about to be fooled again. Luckily, our dorm had a small classroom in the basement, and Mr. B-School and I relocated our encounter to there.
It was at this point that I learned what an uncomfortable setting a classroom is for sex. The tables were too hard, the chairs were too flimsy, and the floor was covered in some sort of very unpadded carpet. As you've probably guess from the title of this post, the floor (and its carpet from hell) won out and mediocre sex ensued. I was more than ready to be rid of Mr. B-School at this point and my poor knees hurt like hell, but it was pretty late, and we were both pretty drunk, so I agreed to let him spend the night. We went back to my room to find Stinky asleep, so we climbed into my bed. Mr. Business School was apparently ready for round 2 and since I was left high and dry by the first shot, I let him talk me into having sex while Stinky snored quietly above us. It turned out that Stinky was not actually a sound sleeper however, and soon was awake and even more horrified. That was the last straw, and I decamped to VAPG's bed for the night.
In the morning, Mr. B-School quickly and thankfully made himself scarce and I was left to plead with Stinky not to tell VAPG what had happened. Thinking I had been successful, I took off to my parents' for the day (and made up some lame excuse about tripping when asked about the massive raw spots on my knees!). Stinky, however, apparently held a grudge over having her sleep disturbed and I returned to the dorm to the wrath of VAPG. All I will say about that is never underestimate the amount of rage that can be contained within a 5' tall frame.
Thus, the moral of my story is simple: never sleep with your roommate's friend who is dating her other friend unless you enjoy spending the next few months fearing for your life every time you go to sleep............
