It’s a long story, but I’ve got time… so here goes. I meet this guy at a friend’s company holiday party back in December. To be honest, I wasn’t that interested. In fact, I wasn’t interested at all. (Seeing as my own nose is far from ideal, I consider an oversized nose a fatal flaw. Let’s just say fatal flaw: detected.) So anyway, he gives me his card and I end up giving it to another girl we are hanging out with saying “I think he really likes you.” I know, it wasn’t really a great thing to do to someone but I did it out of kindness and christmass spirit (im a jew but whatever) as she seemed fairly interested in him. Anyway, it was random night and as the party ended this other girl, Exhibit A (as I shall call the guy), and myself were headed to some bar in the West Village…at the suggestion of Exhibit A. However, he doesn’t have any cash and guys have to pay cover at this bar.
If I may digress for I moment, I’d just like to point out that there are few expectations of men in this city, but having cash on you at all times is definitely one of them!! Begrudgingly, I let it slide. Trying not to judge anyone here…after all we just met. So the other girl and I are waiting in the bar for about 40 minutes and Exhibit A never returns (play ominous, foreboding music here). Sigh, I’m tired and I want to go to bed. So I do.
That Monday I come in and check my personal email (yes, I check personal email at work) and there’s a message from Exhibit A. My initial response is to be slightly freaked out. I was not that drunk and I certainly didn’t give him any of my personal information. Then I realize my friend- the one who invited me to her company’s holiday party- must have passed it along. I confirm this with her via text message. Now, I happen to be pretty bored and alone most of the time in New York so the fact that this guy sought out my information and is asking me to hang out is somewhat flattering and strikes me as rather sweet. So I wait a day, as standard procedure would dictate, before responding.
“Yes, we should get lunch. That would be lovely.” We both work in the same part of town so it seems doable. However, apparently it’s more difficult than it seems. This guy cancels on me twice. It’s ok, I understand…stuff comes up at work. I suggest we get brunch on the following Sunday instead, and he agrees. He mentions it will have to be later in the day as he will be returning from Pennsylvania. I take advantage of this opportunity to make a little joke about how “I don’t like Pennsylvania because I’m from Maryland,” but that “it’s not nearly as bad as Virginia.” The email I get back is a rather shocking one:
“Actually, Stressed, I’m going to Pennsylvania to visit my grandmother who just had a stroke. Sorry to put your foot in your mouth… Ouch!”
Umm…ok. We are done. I don’t ever need to talk to this guy again. Sorry about your grandma but if you can’t take a joke this just isn't gonna work. So I don’t apologize about the grandmother (while I’m sorry to hear she had a stroke, his response was just mean and uncalled for).
Weeks go by, probably about a month. Then out of the blue I get another email from him saying “Hey, whatever happened to brunch? I never heard from you.” I should have let it end here thinking: Stressed: 1. Exhibit A: 0. Alas, I have no other prospects at the moment and decide, against my better judgment, to respond. Back to the same old conversation about having lunch. So of course he cancels, but he does call me at work and chats for about 15 min to tell me this. That seems like a nice thing to do so I let it go….I am far too forgiving.
Then one random Thursday evening he texts me asking if I want to get a drink after work. Sure, what the hell? So we go out and are having a nice time. Until he gets a message on his Blackberry. “Oh shoot. I totally forgot I have a squash game at 8:30. I have to run.” So we walk as far as we can in the same direction and say bye, we’ll hang out soon, all the standard bullshit. Amazingly, I do hear from him again about a week later. Again, he’s inviting me to get a drink. Sure, sounds good. We have a nice time, do it again a few more times…we are starting to develop a routine. Then, after like 3 months of back and forth, we finally hook up. I know not everyone is like this, but in Stressed-land hooking up means “You are now obligated to see me at least once a week." Sorry if thats too much to ask...
This guideline appears to be working out ok for all of one week at which point we make a plan to hang out the next Wednesday. However, Exhibit A has to cancel. Some bullshit about a squash game time change (umm…again). So fine, we will hang out Thursday, because that Friday he is due to go to London for two weeks. But at 5:30 on Thursday I get a text sayin- and i quote- “Hey I don’t think I can make it tonight. Waaa L I have a networking event for work. Talk to you when I get back.”
What the fuck? That’s a load of crap and I’m sure if he actually wanted to see me before he went away for two weeks he would have made it a point to so do; people have a magical way of putting themselves first. After seething for a few hours and bitching to several friends I send the following response:
I don’t think that will be necessary.
Never heard from him again…so who won?
